December 2009
108 posts
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To everyone tonight: Please don't drink and drive....
Happy New Year!
Watchjakeandamir:
Amir’s Haircut
JAKE!
I love my dentist.
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“I’m majoring in science.”
– “Drunk Girl” at bar when waitress shorted her on alcohol.
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Quest Crew was at my mall.
Apparently though, the Tacoma mall is in Seattle, according to their website.
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Summary of last nights dream:
1. Andrew W.K. stuck a cyanide pill in my teeth.
2. I spit most of it out.
3. I began punching him in the face, but Miley Cyrus was holding me back.
4. I was crying uncontrolably the whole time.
***I woke up with drool all over myself***
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To the homeless guy outside Pacific Place who can...
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At Johnny Rockets
Waiter: What are you having tonight?
Matt: I'll have the St. Louis.
Waiter: All right...
Matt: And can I get a side of mayonnaise?
Waiter: Okay.
M: Are you going to dip your fries in that?
Matt: Yeah, that's what the French do.
M: That's also what the obese do.
Style Out Answers
exceptforthisone:
Q: How would you style linen pants for f/w? Or, linen clothing in general?
A: To be able to pull off linen pants in f/w, you need to play with high, lows to balance the lightness of the linen. Try a heavy wool tie with a linen camp shirt and top it off with a carigan or maybe some wool pants. With winter breezes afoot, linen pants might be too much, so I’d suggest wearing some...
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“If a guy takes me out on a date, pays for everything, and gives me a free...”
– Amanda
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gentleman:
Jack Johnson - Someday at Christmas
...
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Customer of the Day.
Customer: You're about the same size as my cousin.
M: Oh am I?
Customer: Yes, I think I'm getting the right size jeans for him, what size do you wear?
M: I wear a 28 or a 29. Is that what you got?
Customer: I got a 36.
M: ...
***(Thank you for making me feel fat all day.)***
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I SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN PUBLIC
babyastronauts:
Me: So, do you have any kids?
Normal Human Being: Yeah, I have four. And two in heaven.
Me: Oh…that must be nice *panicks* …I mean, for the other ones!
Normal Human Being: What?
Perfect.
Drunk 4 Yr Old Steals Christmas Presents →
exceptforthisone:
I thought this would be a great “Welcome Back” post.
This poor kid :(
“Kids do things like this and it’s out of your control…”
No, kids don’t do things like that, and it is in your control. You are a horrible mother.
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Albertsons
M: I need to stop at Albertsons for hair dye and movies.
Ma: Boobies?
M: ...movies.
Ma: Oh, I thought you said boobies. What would you do with those?
***Thanks Ma***
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“If someone has “Bette Davis Eyes,” I’m pretty sure that means...”
– M
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Martinelli's
M: I love Martinelli's.
Ma: Maybe we could put something in it.
M: Like alcohol?
***(I'm in the right family.)***
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“You look like you have anal discomfort.”
– Ma to me after I half smiled at her.
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Man Bag
Woman: Is that your man bag? (pointing at the leather bag I have on)
M: It was actually my grandfathers camera bag.
Woman: ...So it's a man bag?
M: ...Technically,...yes.
Woman: Oh, ha ha ha. (still pointing and laughing)
***(If they're looking for the killer of an annoying woman on the news tonight...probs me.)***
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Currently doing a LOTR marathon.
I forgot how much sexual tension there was between…everyone and everyone.
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Watchcobwebs:
“let’s shake hands” from the aforementioned white stripes movie.
I want to see this whole movie.