(Ngor beach, with Martin & Jessica)
Rasta man:
Hello my friend.
Me:
Hello.
Rasta man:
Would you like to buy something?
Me:
No, thanks though.
Rasta man:
Well, welcome to Senegal!
Me:
Aww, thanks, but I live in Senegal right now. I work in Tamba, for the last 17 months actually. I'm not a tourist. I'm just here to relax.
Rasta man:
Welcome to Dakar!
Me:
Oh thanks again, but I've been to Dakar too.
Rasta man:
(Starts pulling out rattle like instruments) Welcome to the beach!
Me:
(Internal monologue: Oh shit, he's going to play them...) Seriously, thank you, but I've been to this beach before. And I don't think we want to buy anything right now. (Man starts shaking rattles) Please stop...
Rasta man:
(Now singing): Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to Senegal. Welcome to Africa. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Diariso:
Welcome to the forest.
Me:
Thanks.
Diariso:
(Walks further, looks around)
Me:
So...you scared of the hyenas?
Diariso:
Hyenas?
Me:
Yeah, you scared of the hyenas? The ones that laugh.
Diariso:
There aren't any hyenas here.
Me:
Well...
Diariso:
There aren't any hyenas here. But have you heard of a forest donkey?
Me:
What?
Diariso:
You don't understand?
Me:
No, I understand...
Diariso:
A forest donkey.
Me:
A forest donk---
Diariso:
It's a donkey that is in the forest. (Walks away)
Guy:
Hi there.
Me:
Oh, hi.
Guy:
You are American?
Me:
Yes.
Guy:
Where do you live in America?
Me:
Washington state, it's on the west coa--
Guy:
Barack Hussein Obama.
Me:
What?
Guy:
He lives in the white house.
Me:
Yes, he lives in the white hou--
Guy:
I want to go there.
Me:
Then you should go.
Guy:
I want to greet him. Barack Hussein Obama.
Me:
A lot of people would like to greet him.
Guy:
But I want to greet him with my hands.
Me:
Generally, you greet with hands.
Guy:
But I want to greet him with MY hands.
Me:
Hello old man Sow. Good afternoon. How's the family? Are they in health?
OMS:
They're in peace. They're all healthy. Except for me. I'm sick.
Me:
You're sick?
OMS:
Yes. Have you showered today?
Me:
Umm...yes. I just showered.
OMS:
You're always healthy.
Me:
Sometimes I get--
(Grabs my arm and strokes it with his fingernails)
OMS:
Your skin is so clean.
Me:
Thanks. I told you, I just showered.
OMS:
I want your skin. I want to wear it.
Me:
What? Why?
(Trying to take arm away)
OMS:
I'll wear your skin and I'll always be healthy.
Me:
(Internal monologue) This guy is an effing whackjob.
OMS:
Seriously. I'm not lying. I want your skin.
Me:
(Internal monologue) Run boy.
Village Lady:
So...are you looking for a Senegalese wife?
Me:
Nope.
Village Lady:
How about her? (Points at girl)
Me:
That's a baby.
Village Lady:
How about her her? (Points at other girl)
Me:
That's also a baby.
Village Lady:
Yes, but she's an older baby.
Me:
...I'll wait.
Village Lady:
Oh, yes, you're waiting for a girl with these. (Makes boobs with her fists, then wiggles her wrists)
Me:
...
(Scene:
My hut, night, my brother Oumar is just leaving.)
Me:
(While shutting door a lizard appears by the hinge.) Look a lizard.
Oumar:
(Takes his shoe off, throws it at lizards head.) Move!
Me:
What the eff are you doing?
Oumar:
(Picking up my rake and violently pounding the fallen lizard.) These animals are bad, they can kill you.
Me:
What!?
Oumar:
(Exasperated) It's true. If this lizard peed into your water, and you drank that water...you'd die.
Me:
...Seriously?
Oumar:
Yes. You'd die. Ask dad.
Me:
(Walking outside with Oumar scrambling behind with dead lizard) Dad, umm...if a lizard peed in my water and I drank the water, would I die?
Dad:
Why would you drink the water if a lizard peed in it?
Me:
If I didn't see the lizard peeing in my water, but I drank that water that the lizard peed in,...would I die?
Dad:
Yes.
Me:
I don't believe you. Lizards are good. They eat all the bugs in my room.
Dad:
Yes, but they can kill you.
Me:
All my water is covered. Lizards can't pee in my water.
Oumar:
But if the lizard peed on the lid of your bucket, and you opened the lid, and the pee got into the water...
Me:
Yes, yes, yes, I understand, I'll die.
Dad:
Voila.
Me:
But they still eat the bugs in my room.
Dad:
If you want the bugs to be eaten, you should put a bunch of frogs in your room.
Me:
...
1st Mom:
It's true, frogs eat bugs.
Me:
But frogs are loud.
Oumar:
He speaks the truth.
Dad:
But frogs don't pee.
Me:
...I'm pretty sure frogs pee. And I think they pee in your drinking water.
Dad:
Frogs are better than lizards.
Oumar:
Yes, frogs are better than lizards.
1st Mom:
It's true.
Diariso:
Do you know what a "suukuña" is?
Me:
No. What's that?
Diariso:
It is a man. And if you are sleeping, he comes into your room and eats you.
Me:
Really?
Diariso:
Yes, and he drinks your blood.
Me:
So it's like a "vampir?" (tried to make it sound French)
Diariso:
Yes. Yes. You know.
Me:
Do you really think they live in this village Diariso?
Diariso:
No. No. They do not live here.
Me:
Oh.
Diariso:
They live in the forest. Duh.
Me:
Gotcha.
